I Corinthian 10:13

I came across this song by John Newton (the composer of Amazing Grace) in one of my friends' blog. The theme of this song is taken from I Corinthian 10:13. The melody is the same as the “Solid Rock”.


Conflicting Feelings

Strange and mysterious is my life.
What opposites I feel within!
A stable peace, a constant strife;
The rule of grace, the power of sin:
Too often I am captive led,
Yet daily triumph in my Head,
Yet daily triumph in my Head.

I prize the privilege of prayer,
But oh! what backwardness to pray!
Though on the Lord I cast my care,
I feel its burden every day;
I seek His will in all I do,
Yet find my own is working too,
Yet find my own is working too.

I call the promises my own,
And prize them more than mines of gold;
Yet though their sweetness I have known,
They leave me unimpressed and cold
One hour upon the truth I feed,
The next I know not what I read,
The next I know not what I read.

I love the holy day of rest,
When Jesus meets His gathered saints;
Sweet day, of all the week the best!
For its return my spirit pants:
Yet often, through my unbelief,
It proves a day of guilt and grief,
It proves a day of guilt and grief.

While on my Savior I rely,
I know my foes shall lose their aim,
And therefore dare their power defy,
Assured of conquest through His Name,
But soon my confidence is slain,
And all my fears return again,
And all my fears return again.

Thus different powers within me strive,
And grace and sin by turns prevail;
I grieve, rejoice, decline, revive
And victory hangs in doubtful scale:
But Jesus has His promise passed,
That grace shall overcome at last,
That grace shall overcome at last.


What rawness! I emphasized with every single verse. I find these conflicting feelings in myself everyday, but am often too scared to acknowledge them.

The third verse hit particularly close to home: I know I want to live in the promises, and I’ve experienced the sweetness of them, too. But they have left me unimpressed and cold. This scares me.

Round and round and round, I hear the familiar voice circling in my head:
You should not be feeling this way. How dare you doubt God’s goodness? Do you not believe in Him? Are you sure of your salvation? If you are, why can’t you trust Him?

It proves a day of guilt and grief,
It proves a day of guilt and grief.

I know the accusations I’m hearing are not from God.

But soon my confidence is slain,
And all my fears return again,

Mr. Newton, did you have any idea what you were getting into, when you called out to God that one dark night from the raging sea? Is it impious to say we are all saved out of one kind of storm to be thrown into another?

I grieve, rejoice, decline, revive

Up and down we drift on the rough waves. Jesus, will I find you sleeping under the deck?