Wanting to Be Her

When I tried to come up with a title to this blog, “Wanting to Be Her” popped into my head. This is actually the title of a book we read in our C20s Women’s small group. The book talked about the image of women society imposes on us, vs. how God has created us. It had really profound effect on me. And this blog entry is sort of like a record of “a princess in the making”; how God is leading me to become who He has intended me to be one day.

I’m going to a retreat in California next week, called Equipper Conference (EQ) organized by Japanese Christian Fellowship Network (JCFN). I’ve been involved with JCFN’s Midwest division, but had never been to their national conference. So I’m very excited about it. So much so that I got completely carried away and signed up for a bunch of service works that are conflicting each other. Yes, I should’ve checked the schedule first (which they sent to me in advance), but I was too lazy.

Obviously, I wasn’t thinking when I signed up for them, but the gravity of each service work dawned on me when I started receiving e-mails from service coordinators. I realized how much commitment each service required. They are all crucial to the success of the conference, and should not be taken lightly. Besides, I created more problems for the coordinators by over-volunteering, because they have to make adjustments to the service schedule they are maintaining. It’s better not to volunteer than to volunteer and pull out later, you know?

So I had to reflect on my attitude towards service work. Am I approaching it with sufficient reverence? Is my motivation for volunteering based on the love for Christ? Am I spiritually prepared to take on these tasks?

Then this morning God spoke to me through a devotional Sarah sent me. It was good to ponder on the principle of service work, but now it's time for me to get over feeling guilty and stupid. We gotta get going here. The devotional was by Max Lucado, titled “Christ in Me”.

“…What would that be like? To have a child within is a miracle, but to have Christ within? To have my voice, but him speaking. My steps, but Christ leading. My heart, but his love beating in me, through me, with me.

What's it like to have Christ on the inside? To tap his strength when mine expires or feel the force of heaven's fires raging, purging wrong desires. Could Christ become my self entire? …”

The part about heaven’s fire purging wrong desires, prevailing Christ, hit me close to home. Lately I haven’t bee feeling as though I’m filled by Christ. But regardless of the state that I’m in, God has called me to serve Him and His people in this conference. The One who has started the good works within me will bring them to completion, despite my infirmities. I just need to be open to God and say "Behold, the bond-slave of the Lord; may it be done to me according to your word"(Luke 1:38), like Mary did. l Praise God for my inability to mess up His plan! I really want to recognize that this conference and my part in it belong to God, and turn over the ownership to Him.

By the way, the theme of this conference is “Love Incarnated – This is the way you live”. And the theme verse is Ephesians 5:1-2:

Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

How cool is that?